jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
