I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
