it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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