i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
