Little spoons don't ask big questions
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
