next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize