I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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