Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
