Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize