What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
