She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
