I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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