and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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