Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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