I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
