So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
