You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
