I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You need a sexual gate keeper
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
