you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
