I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
