I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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