Your tits are I can't wait for
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
