what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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