I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
