so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
