his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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