I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
