cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the day after is always just damage control
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
