I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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