Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
