I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
