Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
