Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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