Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
