I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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