"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
