from now on my penis is your penis
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
