i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
