Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
