Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
ttyl tear gas
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
