Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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