the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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