who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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