You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
