I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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