with your own penis?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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