I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize