and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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