look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
