grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize