I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I love you.
Bad choice
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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