i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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