This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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