I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
handjob tips. give me some.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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