I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Life is so much better after having sex.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
