So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
