During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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