The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
porn star boner night. come get it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
