And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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