i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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