Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
