fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
