I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize