Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
