i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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