Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
