Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
