Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
