Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
