i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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